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| From 2009 Lake Kathryn |
He looked at the photo and said,…”Look, you can see the “X” on Reward Peak”. Maybe it is just the whole ““X” marks the spot” thing….but it must have some significance to him. One of the only times I have seen my Dad cry was when we went up there together when I was a kid. I think I was about 10 years old…maybe younger. I remember feeling the pain that he felt, thinking of the Lake being named after his Mom, and I knew he was remembering how she died & what they must have had to endure. I wanted so badly for him to wash that out of his memory and concentrate on all the good times he had shared with family in the Sawtooths & how proud that Grandaddy was when the Lake was named after Grandma Kathryn. I wanted so much for Dad to turn his mindset 180 degrees and think about how lucky we are to be living this incredible life. I think it was one of the only times we were really ever so close. I remember breaking into tears too, just sitting there on a log next to the Lake with him and crying. It was very strange. I remember my Mom being there and asking me why I was crying and then telling me that it was because I was so sensitive to other people’s emotions. Now I know that “Empathy” is the word used to describe it.
Anyway, now I find myself writing this…I just woke up out of a deep sleep & had the image of the “X” in my mind, so I thought I would write it down. I am going to hike back up to the Lake this summer. I hadn’t been back to Lake Kathryn for so long, almost 30 years, because I was afraid to re-confront the emotions of that day. It’s funny when you think about all the things I have done in my life that have had a significant element of risk…running rivers…backcountry skiing…rock climbing…flying aerobatics…etc. Up until this summer, if you were to ask me the one thing I have been afraid of, it would have been the idea of feeling the emotion of that day over again.
When we were up there this summer I sat on the same log. I didn’t feel any of those same emotions. Instead, the sun broke through the clouds on that rainy day, long enough for me to take this photo; then I stripped down and jumped into the freezing cold water. It felt like a baptism of sorts. I would like to say that it washed away any negative energy from my life, but it didn’t. What it did do, was give me a bit of clarity. A deeper insight that life is what it is, that you do the best you can with what you have, and learn from every experience. It reaffirmed in my mind that we should celebrate each day with a positive attitude and that we should live life’s moments to their fullest…each day of our life is a very precious gift.
~Tad Jones